Fuse thanks GOP Sen. Mark "Shutdown" Schoesler for Taking Over State Services on July 1

Thursday, June 22, 2017


Fuse thanks GOP Sen. Mark "Shutdown" Schoesler for Taking Over State Services on July 1

Senate Republican Majority Leader to Fill in for Tens of Thousands of State Employees


Fuse Washington thanks Senator Mark "Shutdown" Schoesler for his commitment to perform all state services single-handedly during the anticipated government shutdown starting July 1. Recognizing that his obstruction and refusal to negotiate in good faith will lead to hundreds of thousands of Washingtonians losing essential services, the Republican Senate majority leader graciously volunteered to take over the responsibilities of all 32,000 state employees who will receive pink slips.

schoesler2.jpg Some critics have voiced the concern that relying on one man to satisfy the work of 32,000 people is illogical--similar to state Republicans' hopes to satisfy the McCleary decision and fund public schools with nonexistent revenue. However, Schoesler is bringing a can-do attitude to his new role of chief state park ranger, childcare provider, corrections officer, forensic scientist, veterans caseworker, workplace safety inspector, and more.

"The saying 'You break it, you buy it' has never been more true," said Aaron Ostrom, Executive Director of Fuse Washington. "We applaud Sen. Schoesler for taking personal responsibility for state services that will be lost because he and his obstructionist caucus shut down state government."

Washingtonians who rely on state services should appear in the Capitol rotunda, which Schoesler hopes to convert to a dual childcare and rabies-testing center to streamline the responsibilities previously overseen by the departments of Early Learning and Agriculture. Though Schoesler has failed to provide proof of certification for the numerous roles he intends to perform, he feels confident that his experience as a grandfather and hobby gardener will be sufficient to manage the 52,500 impacted children and the many millions of acres that compose Washington's state parks. No word yet on if Schoesler has planned playgroup activities for toddlers and diseased raccoons.